1. YOU GUYS. I Met Hollywood Jesus.

          

    Today was the much dreaded/anticipated LA Marathon. Dreaded, because it royally screws all traffic in Los Angeles. And if you’ve ever heard of Los Angeles, you probably know our traffic is pretty screwed to begin with. The race route cuts a line through the city from the 5 to the ocean, with no way across. It’s kind of like the Berlin Wall, except it only lasts half a day. And it’s for a good cause. The race was also much anticipated, at least by me, because I was going to finally run and complete a race.

    Last year, I religiously followed a 10-week training program in preparation for the Portland, Oregon Half Marathon in October.  Two weeks before the race, I planned a 12-mile run through Glendale, Los Feliz, Hollywood and West Hollywood. About 9-10 miles in, I tripped in a pothole, fell, and broke my elbow in two places. Awesome. I walked the Portland Half two weeks later, arm in a brace. This was directly followed by a couple of months of healing, minimal exercise, and eating lots of holiday food.

    So I was more than ready to give it another go. And by ready, I mean I followed about half my training schedule, fit in exactly one run over seven miles in the past two months, and almost forgot to pick up my race packet yesterday. The usual.

    LA doesn’t have a half marathon, but this year they had a charity relay. One team member runs the first half, then the second team member tags in. I was running with the Courage Campaign team, and didn’t actually know my partner at all.  I briefly met her last night at a team dinner. I decided we were the perfect pair, because she didn’t train either, and she wanted to run the first half. Since I hate waking up in the morning, that was ideal for me. Looking at the weather report last night, it said 90-100% chance of thunderstorms. Obviously. Come to LA where it’s beautiful all year round, except that one day that 25,000 people are going to attempt the truly stupid feat of running really far.

    I prepared myself mentally for the downpour. I thought of the time my parents took us on a horseback ride in the Smoky Mountains during a thunderstorm. (To be fair, I think the thunderstorm started after we were down the trail a way, but I remember my tiny little brain seething in anger and indignation.) I figured hey, it’ll be like that, except I have no one to blame but myself. At least no one will know I’m crying. Instead, I woke up this morning to blue, clear skies. Not trusting this, I put on a tank top, long sleeved shirt, warm vest, and a hat. Fortunately, I decided against the gloves.

    It was gorgeous. Not a drop of rain. Lots of sun. In fact, I got a bit of a sunburn on my face. Which wouldn’t be awful, except for the hat I was wearing (see above photo). It makes for an awkward tan line. All in all, it was an incredible run. I ran through West Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Century City, Westwood and Santa Monica, and I love the fact that I’ve finally lived here long enough to have fond memories of all these places. One of these fond memories now is running 13.1 miles through them. Some of the highlights of the race included: tranny cheerleaders in West Hollywood; seeing Natasha and Adam at Mile 20, and stripping down to give them my disgustingly wet long-sleeved shirt which they graciously took home for me; being cheered on by Henry Winkler - that’s right, the Fonz - at Mile 23; running the Sunset Strip - last time I did it I had just scraped myself off the pavement and continued on with a broken elbow; and seeing Brad cheer me on at Mile 15. Which leads me to the ultimate highlight of not just this race, BUT MY ENTIRE TIME IN LOS ANGELES.

                                        I MET HOLLYWOOD JESUS.

    I stopped to chat with Brad, who said “Hey, Jesus is here too.” And I think I stopped breathing for a moment. I cannot tell you how much I have wanted to meet Jesus of Hollywood. I have seen him regularly for the past three years. It seems like he is everywhere all at once. I distinctly remember the first time I saw him, not long after I got to town, walking past the Laugh Factory on Sunset Blvd. And I thought: “That was Jesus. That was JESUS. I love this town.” To me, Hollywood Jesus symbolizes everything I love about LA. And to meet him while running the LA Marathon? Well, I’m pretty much in heaven.

    Thanks Brad, for snapping the photo. I will treasure it forever. And thanks to Jesus of Hollywood for making my year. I do have to admit, when it got to the end there, and I was kind of wishing someone would carry me, I thought about that Footprints poem and laughed again. That will never not make me laugh. 

    P.S. Nobody carried me and my legs hurt a lot. They might never work again. 

    March 18, 2012

  2. Welcome to Hollywood

           

    I saw this guy the other day, holding a sign that said “JESUS PUTS D SONG IN MY (heart)” and dancing in the crosswalk at Hollywood and Highland.  And he seriously looked as if he had d song in his heart.  The man was ecstatic.  At first, I didn’t even really see him.  It’s Hollywood and Highland.  To put this in perspective for those of you who are not from LA, on the opposite corner Elmo and Jack Sparrow were having a conversation with each other.  This is Hollywood.  There is very little that seems out of place.  I’m glad I snapped a picture though, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized how crazy this place is, and how much I adore it.  That’s right: I adore it.  I don’t have a lot of patience for LA haters.  The sun is shining, there are palm trees lining the streets, and Jesus has put d song in that man’s heart.  What’s not to love?  

    Speaking of Jesus, he’s one of my favorite people I see wandering the streets on a regular basis.  He keeps more toward West Hollywood, and he only really comes out when the weather is nice, but there he is.  Posing for pictures with tourists and staring at traffic from below the Chateau Marmont.

    I think it might be healthy to see a little bit of crazy every day.  Unexpected, out of the ordinary, completely weird things.  And LA’s good for that.  To illustrate, I’m going to share with you some tweets from a source called WeHo Daily (WeHo, as in West Hollywood).  They’re good for instant local news updates that you wouldn’t find anywhere else.  Seriously though; you will not see this kind of news anywhere else.  (If you do not understand how Twitter works, I cannot help you at this time.  But call me sometime this weekend and we’ll start at the beginning…)

    My Favorite Recent Tweets from @wehodaily (in Reverse Chronological Order):

    • here’s a little writeup of dog drama from yesterday RT : Dog leaps off WeHo balcony, gets stuck in railing http://ow.ly/98sTL
    • RT It’s too bad Newt’s bus didn’t breakdown in front of Rage. That would have been a kiss from baby Jesus.
    • RT : Obama is nearby so none of us can leave the Fox lot. I hope that tweet doesn’t violate some kind of Secret Service rule…
    • angry man foaming at the mouth on mccadden pl near santa monica blvd
    • nearby: man armed with a rake at olympic and sepulveda trying to hit passing vehicles
    • report of a female locked inside bathroom at gateway center “smoking drugs” refusing to come out, sheriff going to help
    • Sunset between Ivar and Vine will be closed tonight from 6:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m for “Act of Valor” premiere at 
    • RT : A bunch of Navy Seals are literally parachuting from the sky over Cahuenga Blvd. IT’S RAINING MEN! Thank you Jesus!!
    • bomb squad is detonating the device NOW
    • two guys fighting at yogurt stop on sm blvd. one bleeding from the head.
    • there is a man who is showing his little man or something else indecent in street on wilshire near el rey theatre, lapd checking
    • Hmmm RT   creepy guy with glass eye tried to walk into our apartment on croft. This happen to anyone else?
    • small chihuahua running loose in the street around fountain and sweetzer — call the sheriff ASAP if it is YOUR dog! 
    • naked man in the street at santa monica and western, LAPD helicopter overhead and ground units coming in with a taser
    • man in a tree on sweetzer. may be on something. climbed 2 floors high & tried to hold conversation with resident on her balcony.

    Just to be clear, those are all tweets from the last two weeks.  This is why people call it Hollyweird.  It’s weird.  And not ever boring.  Just the way I like it.  For reals - West Hollywood Jesus puts d song in my heart.

    February 18, 2012