This is an actual picture of my actual husband. He is not, contrary to popular belief, actual Batman. He is a man of many talents. A renaissance man, if you will. He is good at many things (fewer than he thinks, but more than most people know). Here is a list of things my husband is good at (I know, so many lists, right? I can’t help it. Lists are super fun.):
Things My Husband is Good At (Please note: certain things are not on this list, but I can assure you he is good at them; we won’t go into detail here as I think my mother is following this blog and Adam gets embarrassed when I overshare)
- Building things. Especially intrinsically useless things, like remote control DeLoreans and lightsabers. I asked him why he couldn’t just buy a lightsaber, and he told me a real Jedi builds his own. One time he built me a tiny wire LED Christmas tree. I still don’t know what to do with it.
- Playing things. Especially Call of Duty, especially when he gets to kill Nazi zombies. He likes it when I play too, but I generally just get shot a lot while he asks me what I am doing. Sometimes he’s the one that shoots me, because he thinks that’s hysterically funny. He once told me that we should take up paintball as a hobby, because it’s something we could do together. He shot me in the neck. After I was already out. Yes it was an accident. No that didn’t make it hurt less.
- Influencing things. Our dog’s name is Dwight. We are the only people who could possibly love him. As Adam often informs me, Dwight believes he ranks higher than me in our pack, which is why the dog tries to sleep in my spot on the bed, and pull the leash as if he’s the one walking me. He doesn’t pull any of this nonsense with Adam. Adam has this power over humans as well, except not for me. I pull a lot of nonsense with him. (See number six)
- Working on things. Adam works all the time. He works at the front desk of a spa. He works at Cal State Northridge. He works as a superhero at children’s birthday parties. He works with a stunt group. He acts. He works for a couple of theatre companies. He works out. He’s pretty much always working.
- Fixing things. Adam can fix things in the car that I didn’t even know existed until they broke. He can fix things I would rather throw away than go to the trouble of fixing. He always wants to teach me how to fix things too, but I remind him that our relationship is more efficient if we divide the labor. Then I hide from him.
- Forgiving things. Adam knows more about me than anyone and he still wants to live with me, so he spends a lot of time forgiving me. And sighing, and occasionally rolling his eyes, though he denies it. He forgives me for not doing dishes, and storing my dirty clothes on the floor, and forgetting everything he told me two minutes ago. Even though I was totally listening. I bet he will also forgive me for this blog post!
- Carrying things. He’s pretty strong. He carries heavy things for me. I carry light things for him though, so it’s teamwork all the way.
- Remembering things. He really is good at this, but I have to say sometimes I think he is making things up just because he knows I am good at forgetting things. I’m on to you buddy.
- Saying things. Often things that make me laugh. He gave a toast at his brother’s wedding that made his mom cry. He tells me that he loves me every day, even on days when he has to forgive me a lot. He used to say “prove it” in response to everything I said to him. That was kind of annoying and I’m glad he stopped. When he reads this, he will probably start again.
- Caring for things. He can have nice things because he takes care of them. Except for phones. He’s always breaking those. But he’s a good person to give things to if you don’t want them to get broken. Although, now that I’m thinking about it, he broke my favorite key chain when we were dating in high school and he never fixed it or got me another one. It had Steve McQueen on it. Damn, I miss that key chain.
You may have noticed that many of the items on the list work on a deeper, more sentimental and romantic level as well. He is all of those things too, but that’s not really my thing so I will not be writing about how much I love him and how good and kind and wonderful he is and how lucky I am to have him. Boring. I will simply say that while I might not be married to actual Batman, I am certainly married to an actual superhero. Batadaman. I hope he comes home from his show soon, because I have a funny story about a stripper that I met today and I’ve been wanting to tell him about it all day.